"When you go on a date, the focus should be on the present, not the past," Ettin said. Computer records say I did something wrong - but I didn't. Once a person falls out of love, it is hard to fall back in love. However, if youre willing to be authentic and vulnerable. However, after repeatedly explaining to them why they shouldn't do that in my opinion, and good reasons for not doing that, they keep doing it. minor edits. The question Why? is at the root of philosophy. Whether youre a curious person or trying to be a good friend, asking why often gets to the root of the situation. It is possible they had perfectly valid reasons but they never explained them to me. To be honest with you, I actively avoided socializing with others, sometimes even my friends. Using a comma instead of and when you have a subject with two verbs, The British equivalent of "X objects in a trenchcoat", Effect of temperature on Forcefield parameters in classical molecular dynamics simulations. Whoever casts a curse on my love life can chill now. This is a slightly less "it's all me" type of communication. If youd like to understand someones reasoning, you can ask them why they made a choice or why they feel a certain way. If not, you can explain why you had that expectation (precedent, common sense, etc. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. I think it'd help me be more understanding of this situation if I had a better understanding of why you want to keep doing this.". No, I'm an album. Getting a one-line answer just isnt enough for you. Why? Story: AI-proof communication by playing music. If youre asked the Why are you single question and youve just broken up with someone or are newly divorced. Thanks for contributing an answer to Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange! This asks them "why" they did it, but often comes across as my being mad at them, and asking them for an apology rather than an explanation. While at the same time shows interest in getting to know them. There's a simple question to be asked and there's no reason why it shouldn't be asked (and every reason that it should). Why? Alaska mayor offers homeless free flight to Los Angeles, but is Los Angeles (or any city in California) allowed to reject them? People arent explaining their reasoning for their ideas. How to communicate something negative without feeling like a backstabber? Everyone started laughing as Rachel fished her phone out the beer cup and hopelessly tried to dry it offthe realization that this moment would cost hundreds of dollars startedto sink in. #4 Be Sensitive to Their Reactions. Or asking your husband why he never puts the toilet seat down. rev2023.7.27.43548. as well as other partner offers and accept our, NOW WATCH: What's next for dating during coronavirus, according to an anthropologist, pathogen expert, and love-life coach, According to marriage counselor Robert Maurer. Best Yes or No Questions For Couples (Funny To Romantic), 100+ This Or That Questions For Couples (Funny, Flirty + Spicy), 50 Low-Key First Date Ideas (That Arent Awkward), 200 Date Night Quotes and Captions For Instagram (Cute To Romantic), Flirty Texts: 200 Cute Messages To Send Your Special Someone, How To Get Him To Chase You (Without Playing Games). I just want to know the reason behind it, and nothing more. How to point out a lack of software devlopment strategy without sounding like a skeptic? A lot of people fail to realize that not everyone in a relationship is happy. It is possible they had perfectly valid reasons but they never explained them to me. The Office of National Statistics calculated that almost eight million people were living alone in the UK last year. I'd recommend avoiding language like "let's have a calm discussion" and "I already told you I didn't like _____" because these have a tendency to put people on the defensive. Do something that directly fixes the problem such as (none of these are bribes): Wear headphones so you can't hear the noise, move your desk so you're farther from the problem, come in earlier so you have more time to yourself, come in later so he's already at lunch when you arrive, buy him a new pen that doesn't make click sounds, help him get a new chair purchased that's more comfortable but doesn't spin/make noise, etc., whatever might solve the problem. If that is not what the person wants, that's up to them. who says "I messed this up for my client, how can we fix this", because they don't like punishing you for someone else's mistakes). If there is a white band around a person's ring finger, where a ring should and has been, it is a good way to tell whether they are actually married but out on the prowl anyway. You want to know how things work and why they work the way they do. Irony can contribute to humor, but it also has its risks of inadvertently offending people. together. alternatives, including: Before jumping into questions, consider your goals. Read More Bundle Up Vancouver! When, Read More 11 Warning Signs Hes Pulling Away From You (Exact Ways To Tell)Continue, What makes a man commit and fall in love: 9 key things you need to know to make him fall for you as quickly as, Read More What Makes A Man Fall In Love and Commit (9 Things That Will Change Your Life)Continue. This is a good question if you want to show initiative in class or if youre curious about something. 2. How can I explain to someone that they are not being bullied, that instead he is bullying? Many glasses of various beverages littered the coffee table, and my friend Rachel casually tossed her flip phone down as she sat on the couch. This is key. As philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein would say, they've learned to play a language game (a "form . There are many wonderful things about being single. But when a. Philosophy asks, why is the world the way it is? How to help my stubborn colleague learn new ways of coding? Are the NEMA 10-30 to 14-30 adapters with the extra ground wire valid/legal to use and still adhere to code? My last boyfriend (or husband / girlfriend/ wife) and I were together for a long time, at first things were good. On most posts, including all answers, open questions, and closed questions that were closed more than five days ago, this isn't a problem, and I appreciate what they do. If the person did indeed make a mistake, that gives them a chance to pretend that they found the mistake themselves (and not you), and admit to it or even start fixing it before you realise that it was a mistake - which is ten times better than being told by you. If you keep the language and tone professional, you've done all you can. But right now, I don't understand why it's important to you. Trigger a defensive reaction. How to tell a coworker something they did is not okay? You may have to accept that. Just stick to the same statement above, that you would say to friends or family. I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will. At work, we are constantly facing situations with multiple variables, where people are making decisions continuously, and many things are unfolding every day. Connect and share knowledge within a single location that is structured and easy to search. The reality is that we never know the other person's story.". With that in mind, however curious you might be about someone's past, perhaps stick to less daunting questions the first time you meet them. - apaul Sep 21, 2017 at 13:16 3 He is being specific about the answer being humorous. ), take action based on how proactive or negligent they were in the absence of clear instructions, and set clearer expectations for the future. Though it seems counter intuitive you can actually meet single men on Valentines Day. Update: I'd like to explain the specific situation that prompted me to ask this. Whenever you feel like criticizing any one, just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had. How to convince boss? I love small towns' low cost of living, lack of traffic, low. Asking for help, clarification, or responding to other answers. In this case if youre not working with a professional coach who knows your story, its best to keep it simple and remember you dont have to justify your single status to anyone. There are a lot of people who are with the wrong person, or in . What do multiple contact ratings on a relay represent? By clicking Post Your Answer, you agree to our terms of service and acknowledge that you have read and understand our privacy policy and code of conduct. The second thing you should say is a sentiment of partnershipsomething like, "I'm on your team, and we'll figure this out. "You're such a great catch, why are you still single?" Now, I could simply pull them aside, and ask: Why did you keep doing [x] even after I told you not to do that? Just to make it concrete let's say the person's name is Sam and you asked him not to touch you at all, even including not tapping your shoulder. We talked about it last week, so you know I don't like when you X because reasons. Stack Exchange network consists of 183 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow, the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers. So much for our mom asking us, "If all the other kids jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?" Now we know the answer would be: Yes, of course. Almost as if theyre asking Whats wrong with you?. 1. - Em C Sep 21, 2017 at 13:09 2 @EmC this one is subtly different in that it specifically asks for humor. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. I by ScottNesbitt. It might be a request that seems unreasonable to you or something you wouldnt normally do. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. @Cashbee They did not respond to any of my complaints. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. It only takes a minute to sign up. If someone is feeling down, or perhaps upset with you, it is important to know why or else you cant help them. It is extra important to ask politely in this situation because they are your parents. Asking someone why they are still single is a popular first date question. *italicised words and phrases are things that I feel are the more important words to include in your conversation. The way they take it is on them. Helping professionals know that it's often wise to dig beneath the surface, to ask why. "I am not an expert in this matter, but my understanding was that XYZ should have happened. "Hi, the authority told me that he never received your documents, I know that sometimes there are some problem in this process, so I would like to know if you need some help or if you have some problem about this task. Its exhausting. Yet, people are quick to jump to an explanation that offers a reason why someone is single. In fact, Ettin says she discourages her clients from discussing past lovers on the first date at all. Asking why someone is feeling the way they are, gives an invitation for them to tell you about their emotions and shows that you care. But even though you're quite sure you're attracted to each other, other anxieties can creep up on you. Sometimes, asking why can seem accusatory or like an interrogation. Does the team need to solve some ongoing issue? Yet, X really does bother me and even distracts me from working sometimes. Second it is a workplace issue. Especially when its a person that you barely know. Its also about why it works that way. Youre getting all the facts but nothing is stringing them together in your mind. A lot of people have trouble fully expressing their emotions. I just read your update. Connect and share knowledge within a single location that is structured and easy to search. You want to get to the bottom of everything. First, avoid long drawn out stories that make you feel as if you have to justify why youve never had a serious relationship or why a string of relationships havent worked out. It landed right inside a plastic cup full of beer. Did they agree? Yes Ladies, its true. Come on, everyone cheats a little. In reply to Great advice, Sam. The perfect reply that works every time on well-meaning friends, family or even your on dates. Thank you, Scott. Asking why is a good way to learn more about a topic. I have just deleted a whole discussion about the making of edits and reopen queues, that stuff belongs on meta and not underneath a question. Understanding their point of view can help you mature and learn to take more responsibility for things. Maybe they were pressured by friends or werent feeling well and acted out in response. Actually, the best way to get this across to the other party is to explain to them your goals the way you did in your question. 4. Do the 2.5th and 97.5th percentile of the theoretical sampling distribution of a statistic always contain the true population parameter? I asked, naively, breaking the silence. There isn't even supposed to be a fire, I just want to ask for an explanation in a nice way. Heat capacity of (ideal) gases at constant pressure. Being direct in this way is so very hard to do, but it is the honorable path forward. Can you tell me the reason? Authoritarian parenting refers to a rigid, controlling, and punishing style of parenting. ), It looks like we're behind schedule. So that person is a wrongdoer, and you want an explanation why they are doing this. If so, I want to know those reasons, so that I can then stop telling them not to do it. Opensource.com aspires to publish all content under a Creative Commons license but may not be able to do so in all cases. Being single is not a disease and it does not mean the person is flawed or inferior. Now if someone messed up, as that person apparently did, then "putting up with passive-aggressive nonsense" as it has been called is the smallest of their problems. Method 1 Taking a Direct Approach Download Article 1 Smile and make eye contact. Regardless of whether your employee did the right thing or not, if the outcome was negative consequences for you, then your employee should have told you that they weren't submitting. Thats usually someone whos likely making small talk. If there is a common theme every time you ask, it will help you identify a problem that needs to be addressed. Then we realized that we werent as compatible as we thought. "In fact, it's a valid life choice that many people desire[It's] as if one thinks you've been single since the day you came out of the womb. Theres something about being near water. Have any idea why you like to spend so much (or so little) time alone? When this type of question is asked by a girl or a guy that youre on a date with. Suggesting alternatives is a great way to explore something without asking "why"? I want to understand that. It asks for a stone-cold-fact. By clicking Accept all cookies, you agree Stack Exchange can store cookies on your device and disclose information in accordance with our Cookie Policy. Why do people treat each other the way they do? Not just where to meet someone great, but how to, Read More Single & Shy? 44 Places To Meet A High Quality man Click Here. The prior makes already defensive people feel as though you are assuming they can't have a calm discussion and the latter putting yourself in a position of superiority over them. Ultimately leaving the other person wondering what it is about you thats attracting those people into your life. "you may discover that your motives are more about your own curiosity or a reflexive desire to place blame rather than about moving the situation forward. I will sure be reading this a few times, and learn from it. At least with some people and at certain times. When youre parenting, you dont always want to come off as strict or make assumptions about your childs choices. The way you spoke about the things you're asking people not to do makes me suspect that you don't have a true right to expect them to stop. If someone asks you to do a task and you dont see the point of it, this is how to ask why you have to do the task without undermining their authority. You may feel that you are the one in the right, and that you don't want them to feel that you're the one in the wrong. And if so, did they commit to doing it?" I dunno. Usually most prevalent during family gatherings or holidays. These comments are closed, however you can, How to ask why at work without upsetting anyone. The questions can come from anyone parents, relatives,friends and even sometimes the people you go on dates with. My answer is the same. Maybe it makes a lot of sense and is quite reasonable once you hear them out. When you chat, tell the other person what you like about your friendship. You could be passive aggressive about it and beat around the bush and a person truly trying to hide something or to dumb to understand will never give you a straight answer. Asking why comes in handy in many different scenarios. This phrase shows your curiosity and good intentions. You often seem unhappy (or angry). You seem unhappy in our relationship. Deannas dating and relationship advice and expertise has been featured on notable outlets including ELLE, CBC TV, The National Post, Global TV, Elite Daily, City TV, PopSugarLove, YourTango, eHarmony and more. The burglar might say "Because I want your money and I don't care one bit about you". 6 Easy Tips To Build Your Dating Confidence, 11 Warning Signs Hes Pulling Away From You (Exact Ways To Tell), What Makes A Man Fall In Love and Commit (9 Things That Will Change Your Life), Bundle Up Vancouver! This is workplace, not advanced logic. 10 Ways People Unintentionally Destroy Their Relationships, 5 Ways to Get Out of an Extramarital Affair, Why Our Perception of Time Flips at Midlife, Forget and Forgive: How Forgetting Sustains Relationships, Five Important Factors In Liking Yourself, What "Barbie" Gets Right About Male Psychology, Four Psychology Concepts Most People Get Wrong, Live Fully in the Present, Not in Your Head, Living With Your Gifted Childs Intensity. Explain to him why what he is doing is bad (which he might not have understood), and tell him to stop it. In the case where you're surprised, just say: Huh. Or maybe it feels unethical. When shes not writing, she can be found wandering through nature or journaling at a coffee shop. They might not healthily show them or they may bottle them up, leaving you guessing. This is a good phrase to use during a conversation if it seems like someone made a bad choice. Getting to the root of the why is the purpose of therapy. You: "Hey Sam, I'm a little puzzled about something and I wonder if you can help megot a minute? It really does bother me when people do that. Part of it is probably that being single is more stigmatized for women than for men. I think I heard somewhere that the word "you" should be avoided in queries like this, is this correct? is a terrible idea. If youve been singlefor awhile,Im sure youve been asked this exact question or a version of it (Are you dating anyone?, How are you still single?, What happened X person?) one too many times.
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